my real answer

One night he asked me why him
So I had to begin
With the fact that his smile to me made the moon shine end
That his words to me were like Gods blessings shining in
And that his touch made me feel like I was too valuable to bend
Or damage
And that he managed for the most part to keep me happy
Never taking advantage of the fact that my love ran deep
That what we had was somethin that others couldn't compete
Or defeat
Defeated never were we cause we completed each other
At least in my mind we would always be needing each other
That even in our worst times we couldn't think but to confide in each other
That after 3 years I couldn't fathom another
To understand my lame jokes
And see how my genius provoked
That my genius I hoped
Wasn't part of his genius to promote
Me as the perfect woman that he hoped
I really was
And how even when I really wasn't dope
I really was
At least in his eyes
Never surprised by his willingness to give all he had
And to mold all his plans
Around the life I would demand
For a future only he could command
As a man
And that I could give him his throne
But he would build me one too
And that years down the line he wouldn't forget to say honey, this is all because of you
And it would be true
Because he knew
That his dreams would only work with the dedication of two
His god and his wife
Not his chick and his strife
But his companion and his true giver of life
And thats why him
Because in the future, ill get that place beside him
And even now, I'm why he lives
Because he's why I dream
And everyday to me it seems
That it will only get better in the days we still have yet to see
And that's what I wouldve said if I thought it all through
But instead
The only answer I could think to say was
Its because I love you.

with the true greats slowly going away, we need more of this.

Silly Girls. . .

so lately i havent had much to do but work and chill. yesterday i had nothing better to do so i started reading random peoples blogs and saw a very funny trend when it came to some of the girl bloggers. so i know its good to have confidence and what not but these chicks were on a whole nother level.

ok, do get me wrong, i love when people are self sufficient and hardworking but why put pictures all over your blog with you and your money? i get it, you are doing well in these economic times but you and i both know that's not YOUR money and i really dont think your parents would be so happy about you flaunting THEIR money on the internet like an asshole. for those women who do what they have to do, grind everyday to make things better for yourself, this isn't to you.

as if that wasnt enough to turn someone off, these girls also thought it was the cute thing to sound like whores on their blog. again, i'm all for freedom of speech and i think every woman should be open and honest about their sexuality but theres a limit. No one needs to know how many dicks you've sucked and how much you swallow. no one needs to know how many men you've slept with. no one needs to know about any of that, THAT IS NOT SEXY! no man in their right mind will take you seriously if thats really how you present yourself. yeah, they'll think you're worth fucking, but thats all you'll ever be. it really make me sad and disappointed that this is what a lot of girls thinks is attractive and cool. if you feel that desperate that you stoop that low for attention, all i can do is pray for you and hope that you see that thats not the road you want to go down.

and if the blatant attempt to show that they are sex worthy wasn't enough, they had to try and humiliate others to show they were legit. one girl i came across had the nerve to put a conversation she had with one of her "haters" as she called it. what's so crazy about that you ask; the blogger and the "haters" conversation didn't humiliate anyone but the blogger. while trying to show that the "hater" was obsessed with her and wanted to be like her (the girl merely messaged her to clear up something that she had said about the blogger) she actually only embarrassed herself. The 'hater" called the blogger out, pointing out that every guy knew the blogger was just an easy fuck. I'm sorry, but how do you not see that putting that up wouldn't be a good look for you? i guess that girl was so caught up in her own grandeur that she believed everyone would see things her way.

i just don't get it. what's the point of making yourself look like a fool? and what kind of friends do they have that don't tell them that this isn't what they want to do. didn't their mothers or aunt or grandmothers, even their teachers ever tell them that they should respect themselves as well as their bodies. i really hope that these silly girls will figure that out much sooner than later.

Brandy vs Ciara

OMG, this crap is hilarious. Just watch

Ardor

body language
analyzed and misconstrued
nervous sweats and faint twitches
eyes gleaming with excitement
with anticipation
and ecstasy
slow steps so not to stumble
grasping on that thin rail called self control
constricting urges
fighting temptation
forcing,
trying to constrain
but the body is stronger than the mind
brain too feeble for the heart
slowly delving into to that forbidden place
animalistic ideas that swarm your mind like angry wasps
desperately seeking shelter from yourself
and those urges
you change your stance
try to seem impenetrable
try to seem as if you can control
body language manipulated to hide true feelings
rosy cheeks and warm palms
too excited to hold back much longer
sweet aroma of what's desired
too many day dreams of what is desired
too many nightmares of whats desired
legs crossed at the ankles
arms to the side, taut, controlled
tied together by the sheer force of your will
but soon the knot will loosen
body language understood to be calm
to be in control
yes,
control
but the weight of "must" and "want" has you doubled over
and you struggle as the minutes do not fly by,
yet, they sit and watch you manage your counterfeit foreplay
time standing still
air thickened with warm anticipation of acts that will only occur in you mind
in the night
alone in your bed
but then it's over
now that long sigh of relief
and you gather yourself
and you walk away
a champion of your inner battle
bruised and battered by your infatuationp

R.I.P Michael

I don't care what people say about him, you can't deny a legend. It is sad that he has died, he was the patriarch to what we call pop music today. I've enjoyed his music since before I could remember and I always will. First Farrah now Michael; it's a sad day for the American pop culture.

Mr. Witherspoon

I was looking for information about when the new season of the Boondocks would start up again (early 2010) and I came across this. The creator of the show has his own production company and they have a slew of mini videos like this one on YouTube. This is the last one they made and not even the funniest one.

His Truth

I wrote this a couple weeks ago at like 2 in the AM. I was trying to think of something to write about and for some reason Drake's "Night Off" came into my head (hence the first line). Hope you like.

he told me to set my bag down
relax a bit
he said it would be just fine
all alone he said
just the night air he said
he said it was just us and the sky

he said it would only take a second
he said it wouldn't hurt too bad
come next to me was what he said
he said come here lie back
all those words he said to me
he said they were nothing but from within
from the depths it came, from his heart he said
he said it was from his brain not the head

so i slid into his bed with him
just like he said i should do
he said a lot off things that night
most of which was never true
he said this would last forever
he said the things I wished for was comin true
a night in heaven is what he said to me
a night in hell was what really seeped thru

now he said it would be what i wanted
he said "now baby this is all for you"
not knowing what i was doing
he said being not ready was just the start, i'll learn what to do
"i never said it would be easy," he said
becoming a real woman is hard
he said in time i would see how good it really was
he said in time i would see how it really was

he lied when he said it would only last a night
a first that would be like learning how to walk
a silent line is what i heard on the other end of the phone
when i called and said "we need to talk"
a little girl they said i was before then
only 15 years to his, mine minus 10
i guess he didnt lie when he said this would make me a woman
but he never said this is how it would end

men told me a lot of things in my life
but what he said was what i thought to be true
he said we would be in this forever
but i guess he meant forever until the baby bump started to poke thru
he said love was a tru commitment
he said that sex was the only way to truly prove
now i am stuck with what he told me
alone in the world without a clue

Dead Prez Does It Again

So I was on World Star HipHop tonight and I came across this video of
Dead Prez giving this radio interview. They were talking about how Asher Roth wasn't needed in hiphop (which i agree fully) and how Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton aren't the spokespeople of the African American population (which i also cosign). I know it's hard for some people to understand, especially now-a-days, but this isn't how the black culture should be. No I'm no racist and I do think a lot of white people can rhyme; the problem is those aren't the one's getting signed. Dead Prez is the truth if there ever was one and this song they got Stimulus Plan is just more of what they do best. I swear I've listened to this song about 5 times within the past half hour and I still haven't gotten tired of it. Just listen if you don't believe me.

. . . Niggas

Why they had to rep Chicago???? smh

Growing Up, when you have to let go

so i've been sclackin on this lately but i have been running wild the last week. as school approaches and the grind starts up; how do you keep pace with yourself and your family? i'm of age now, outta high school and what not; so when is it going to be my time to live? i have two sisters, a nephew, and a dad all living under one disfunctional roof and i believe that's grounds for any college student to want to leave. so in a world of chaos, how can i possibly fail by getting a place of my own? i don't understand the reasoning behind my dads logic, but somehow i need to grow up and do stuff for myself, but not by getting a place near campus and being independent. somehow he thinks that school is some holy ground that will protect me from every horror that is grown up life. sorry dad, but sex, drugs, and alcohol still exists even in dorm life. and as of staying home. . . it's just not gonna happen. i still don't understand why a man would rather take out a loan to buy a car and gas money(cuz i'm sure not paying for that much gas)instead of letting their daughter get an apartment for free thanks to the u.s. education department. so i have to ask, when is it time to let go and when is it time to grow up? as kids grow into adults is there a magic point when they know all they're supposed to know for life or is it all just how well they can b.s. their way through what life hits them with? i think every person is different and every person deserves a life that they can create for themselves. maybe it's just me but i think sometimes you just have to let go. sometimes that's really the only thing you can do.

Babys Daddys and Sex Crazed Teens

Now that I have free time during the day I've been able to catch up on some daytime television. Of course Ive been trying to keep up with my soaps and what not but what's caught my attention the most has been these so-called daytime talk shows. Now I remember when I was younger there was Jennie, Ricki Lake, Sally, Maury, all balanced and very entertaining. Now, I just don't know. Now there is only Maury and Springer followed by a slew of these tv court shows, none of them really worth any time. It seems like Maury only consists of shows like "I slept with 23 guys last week, but you're my babys daddy" or "I'm a mom who can't care of my kids, now my daughter's a whore." Really, what's the point?

We talkin' spendin' the rest of our lives
It's too many black women that can say they mothers
But can't say that they wives
I wouldn't chose any other to mother my understanding
But I want our parenthood to come from planning

Common's tha truth!

Two Sides

So, as always, i started writing again. This story kind of popped into my head and I have no clue where it came from. As always, enjoy

He woke up to the night sky

That night time

But what time

She said she would come back at the right time

When the time was right

So he could get his mind right

And get his shit together

But as of now

She couldnt do it, "we cant stay together"

She said she couldnt be together

With him at least

But she could somehow find a way wit that nigga down the street

And he didnt understand what that nigga had that he didnt

Had a job, a place

So what if dude made like 6 figures

He knew dude couldn't love the way he did

So he figured

Nigga didnt know how to lay it right

Couldn't send shivers

But it wasn't only the sex game, he took care of her too

She asked, he gave

She would command, he obeyed

Her slave

A servant to her will

To her love

To her soft voice and beautiful skin

He let that shit creep up within

And then

That shit came to dictate what he did as a man

Now all he had was his bed and night stand

Alone in his room in the dark again

He reached over in the drawer pulled out her wedding band

And played over in his head that night and what happened

How she took it off her finger and threw it back at him

Said he wasn't a real man

Said probably wasnt even her baby's dad

Then packed up her bags, walked out, and let the door slam

And yet that still couldn't awaken that drive inside him

Even when she tried him, lied to him

He couldnt comprehend what that feeling was inside of him

He guessed he really was a disappointment and a failure

And that the world be better if he were not there

And his family would be happier too

So he decided he knew what was best to do

And that gun that never had any real use

Would be the changer and decider in this disastrous rue

So he brushed back his hair, took off his shoes

Laid back on the bed and slowly went through

The note he was writing to explain what went wrong

All the bad choices and such that had festered for so long

Then he placed the note on the stand and closed his eyes

And waited for the silence, or even a sign

Of whether this was right or if he had gotten it all wrong

But nothing occurred

His emotions hadn't been spurred

So he picked up the gun murmured some words

One last prayer and

Then

There was a loud bang and a flash that came out of the window

We screamed and ran up the stairs, the house hadnt been broken into

I unlocked the door, told the kids to wait outside

Crept in the house, stayed close to the left side

I smelled something burning coming from the bed room

Figured a lamp had blown and kept going towards the dark room

I slid open the door and tried the lamp switch

I screamed

Fell to my knees

Threw up under the light switch

I only saw for a second but i knew it was him

I bought him that shirt and those jeans that fit slim

And those beautiful loafers i bought him last winter

Were placed next to the bed, blood drippin in them

I remembered the kids and ran back outside

Told them it was nothing, just a little fire inside

Put them back in the car then called the police

Tried hard to keep some composure after what i had seen

After about an hour and when the kids had left

With their aunt to her house, i wasnt ready to tell them just yet

One detective came out, something clutched in her hand

She walked up to me and said this was made out to you, written by his hand

A suicide they said, and so said he

From the things i had said the last time i was beat

The last time he hit me so hard i almost lost my mind

Stood up to him and said some things that were out of line

But he let me go, only a few bruises that time

Even let the kids go without a belt to their behinds

Now in his death he tried to apologize to me

Make amends for all those years he had stolen from me

But now too agitated to be relieved

I picked up my keys

Threw out the note

And for the first time i was forced to permanently leave

And maybe for the first time

I would live finally for me

Drizzy

From Degrassi to this, you just gotta love Drake

Reality....Really?

Last night my sister had a friend over and was doing her hair. They're both 25ish... I think (I really am a good sister), and both are educated. So after the movie we were watching went off, nothing else was on that was good to watch; at least, nothing good to me. My sister gets the remote and turns to VH1 and they're horrible run of "reality shows". First was Daisy of Love and then whatever that crazy ass show with that drag-queenesque woman/man/weave monster New York.

Now, I don't know about you but I don't find anything appealing about two overly plastic, probably coked up women. Nothing is funny, nothing is cute...it's actually quite sad. As a young, ambitious woman, it's hard to see how these girls could degrade themselves to such low standards. Nothing more than attention whores really. What happened to the days of sitcom television anyway?

Have we really sunken so low as a culture that we are willing to accept a spoiled black girl washing dogs for way more money than actual dog groomers get as entertainment? It doesn't even have to be educational but somewhat amusing would be nice. And the monotony of these shows really gets me thinking, what is the point? I say it over and over again but life is to short to be waisting time on that crap. What happened to reading a book? (funny I know)

But seriously, when do people find time to be creative and self reflective in a world like this? And to those who genuinely enjoy these shows, I'm not trying to knock you or anything, but what is the deal? I admit, when Flava of Love first came on, I was one of those that were hooked. I watched every week to see what crazy mess those girls were going to get into. But after three years and countless Of Love and Challenge shows, I can't take it anymore. It's really time for something new.

Even this show had more substance than the stuff they have on now-a-days

My First

Rough sketch of my logo