He woke up to the night sky
That night time
But what time
She said she would come back at the right time
When the time was right
So he could get his mind right
And get his shit together
But as of now
She couldnt do it, "we cant stay together"
She said she couldnt be together
With him at least
But she could somehow find a way wit that nigga down the street
And he didnt understand what that nigga had that he didnt
Had a job, a place
So what if dude made like 6 figures
He knew dude couldn't love the way he did
So he figured
Nigga didnt know how to lay it right
Couldn't send shivers
But it wasn't only the sex game, he took care of her too
She asked, he gave
She would command, he obeyed
Her slave
A servant to her will
To her love
To her soft voice and beautiful skin
He let that shit creep up within
And then
That shit came to dictate what he did as a man
Now all he had was his bed and night stand
Alone in his room in the dark again
He reached over in the drawer pulled out her wedding band
And played over in his head that night and what happened
How she took it off her finger and threw it back at him
Said he wasn't a real man
Said probably wasnt even her baby's dad
Then packed up her bags, walked out, and let the door slam
And yet that still couldn't awaken that drive inside him
Even when she tried him, lied to him
He couldnt comprehend what that feeling was inside of him
He guessed he really was a disappointment and a failure
And that the world be better if he were not there
And his family would be happier too
So he decided he knew what was best to do
And that gun that never had any real use
Would be the changer and decider in this disastrous rue
So he brushed back his hair, took off his shoes
Laid back on the bed and slowly went through
The note he was writing to explain what went wrong
All the bad choices and such that had festered for so long
Then he placed the note on the stand and closed his eyes
And waited for the silence, or even a sign
Of whether this was right or if he had gotten it all wrong
But nothing occurred
His emotions hadn't been spurred
So he picked up the gun murmured some words
One last prayer and
Then
There was a loud bang and a flash that came out of the window
We screamed and ran up the stairs, the house hadnt been broken into
I unlocked the door, told the kids to wait outside
Crept in the house, stayed close to the left side
I smelled something burning coming from the bed room
Figured a lamp had blown and kept going towards the dark room
I slid open the door and tried the lamp switch
I screamed
Fell to my knees
Threw up under the light switch
I only saw for a second but i knew it was him
I bought him that shirt and those jeans that fit slim
And those beautiful loafers i bought him last winter
Were placed next to the bed, blood drippin in them
I remembered the kids and ran back outside
Told them it was nothing, just a little fire inside
Put them back in the car then called the police
Tried hard to keep some composure after what i had seen
After about an hour and when the kids had left
With their aunt to her house, i wasnt ready to tell them just yet
One detective came out, something clutched in her hand
She walked up to me and said this was made out to you, written by his hand
A suicide they said, and so said he
From the things i had said the last time i was beat
The last time he hit me so hard i almost lost my mind
Stood up to him and said some things that were out of line
But he let me go, only a few bruises that time
Even let the kids go without a belt to their behinds
Now in his death he tried to apologize to me
Make amends for all those years he had stolen from me
But now too agitated to be relieved
I picked up my keys
Threw out the note
And for the first time i was forced to permanently leave
And maybe for the first time
I would live finally for me
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